We needed a plumber last week, on our British Gas house insurance, and very good he was too. So right in the middle of our evening meal, the phone rings. A British Gas satisfaction survey. What do you say? While “Piss off I’m eating” springs to mind, the guy did a good job. These ratings might matter to him. I’d better answer.
Hang on … e-mail alert. OK, what did I think of the last play I saw at The Globe? Please go to our survey. I like The Globe … better do it. I hope it doesn’t take as long as the National Theatre one last month, or the Royal Shakespeare Company one, though strangely it seems to be the same survey … OK, so what is my household income … my ethnicity … better tick my age group at the end (I wish there were a few more sections after mine) … oh, yes, which of these newspapers do I read? … where’s the bit about my opinion of the play? Ah, here it is. Did you enjoy it? … Yes. Would you recommend it to friends … Yes. Great that only took fourteen minutes. Now I’d better go shopping before I finish this rant.
Hang on, where are my car keys … better put them in my coat pocket. I haven’t worn this coat since we were last in London. Lots of cards in there … what are they? Oh, yes. We had a coffee. What did we think of the quality and service? Hmm. I forgot to hand that in. And here’s one for the evening meal … I forgot to rate quality of food, restaurant ambience and server. Still, a pizza in a national chain is a pizza in a national chain. About the same as ever? There’s no tick box for that. Oh, and another survey for breakfast. That was really good. I should have handed that one in.
So to the supermarket. Would I like the chance to win a £5 shopping voucher by taking part in our online survey? No, not really. Then on to the next supermarket …
Would you care to participate in our online survey?
No.
I’m rated on the number of people who complete the survey … see, I’ve put my name on the receipt.
Still no.
I really need this job. You could win a weekend break holiday in Ostend.
Still no.
We stayed at a hotel last weekend. The first survey yesterday was from the hotel group, followed a few hours later by one from the online booking company. Then the next day, we had a further survey from the hotel group on the booking process.
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If not, can you think of anything you could potentially sue anyone for?
How many children do you have? Are they on speaking terms with you? If not, why not?
What is the rateable value of your house?
Which party did you vote for at the last election?
Please tick any of the 200 Interests and hobbies on the attached sheet 2.
Name the location of your last SIX holidays.
Does your house have …
A burglar alarm / locking windows / CCTV / a savage dog
Give the exact dates of your next holiday together with your address.
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Peter Viney's Blog 