By James Graham
Directed by Rupert Goold
Set design by Es Devlin
Costume design by Evie Gurney
Movement directors – Ellen Kane & Hannes Langoli
National Theatre Production, 2025-2026 Tour
Chichester Festival Theatre
Thursday 20th November 2025, 14.00
CAST
Long and in alphabetical order of actor in the programme, rather than role or order of appearance. I always find that irritating. I’ll change it completely. I have used the lobby list which differs from the programme, and either cast has changed, they’re beset with injuries or they had a lot of substitutes understudies on. I assume they took all the parts the originals did. There is so much movement it may be like ballet with alternates rather than understudies. After all, eight understudies is a lot.
MANAGEMENT / FA
David Sturzaker- Gareth Southgate
George Rainsford- Mike Webster / McNulty / Boris Johnson
Ian Bartholomew- Steve Holland / vicar
Alex Wadham- Physio Phil / Sam Allardyce / Fabio Capello / Panama manager / Gianni Infantino
Ian Kirkby- Gary Lineker / Greg Clarke / Matt le Tissier / Thomas Tuchel
Ian Bartholomew- Steve Holland / Greg Dyke / Graham Taylor / vicar
FOOTBALLERS
Miles Henderson- Jordan Pickford
Oscar Gough- Harry Kane
Connor Hawker- Harry MacGuire
Ashley Byam – Raheem Sterling
Jayden Hanley- Marcus Rashford
Jake Ashton-Nelson – Jordan Henderson
Jass Baki- Bukayo Sako / Danny Rose
Liam Prince Donneley- Dele Alli
Sam Craig- Kieran Trippier / Jordan Sancho
Tom Lane- Eric Deir
OTHERS
Samantha Womack- Pippa Grange
Courtney George – Alex Scott / Roxanne / Theresa May / Sarina Wiegman
Natalie Boyake- ensemble / bride lioness
Stuart Ash- ensemble
Ebube Chukwuma – ensemble
The cast may change. They project ‘today’ in the lobby.
The play was a National Theatre success in 2023, and awarded ‘Best New Play’ for 2024. Then it was revived in 2025 at the National, with a mainly new cast. It’s on a tour that stretches well into 2026 and across the country. For local friends, it’s on its way to Southampton soon. The play text on sale lists three casts: National 2023, West End Transfer 2023, National Spring 2025. This is the fourth cast and fourth Gareth Southgate.
At the end of the day, it’s a game of two halves, both equal, at 75 minutes plus an interval. The best goal was in added time, during the curtain call when they danced to Sweet Caroline. I was sick as a parrot that … (No more football references, please. Ed.)
In fact, James Graham’s text avoids those clichés. I’d wanted to see it in 2023, but Karen was a definite ‘no’ on a play about football and a seemingly dull manager. She read an interview with James Graham recently, which mentioned ‘The Best New Play of 2024’ and declared it was about England and Identity. She assumed England meant ‘the country’ but it really just means the England football team and establishment. She declares it has very little to say about the state of England and was disappointed.
The premise. England has had world class players for years, notably ‘the golden generation’ but has under-achieved at every tournament since 1966. Gareth Southgate believes that it’s the weight of media demand for success, the whole ‘It’s coming home’ mentality. He realises they need a long term plan stretching over three tournaments, with no expectations of winning the first. He is also, naturally, obsessed with England’s disastrous penalty taking. At that point they had never won a penalty shoot out. Remember that it was Gareth’s missed penalty kick in 1996 that ended their run. You don’t get a second bite at the cherry. (Deleted. Ed) He also decides to bring in a sports psychiatrist, and a female one at that. Imagine the players reaction. I was fascinated by the penalty analysis England were the fastest penalty shoot out takers of any team (2.8 seconds). The most successful was Germany, and they were they took three times longer. At the end of the day (No! Ed) By the end of his tenure, Gareth had become England’s most successful manager.
The set is bare, with sentry boxes which are used for exits and entrances, and decorated with England shirts. There is extensive use of projection, from the Wembley towers to Wembley Arches, to results in penalty shoot outs plus film of past matches and penalties. They stick to black and white but switch to colour as Bobby Moore lifts the World Cup in 1966. Everyone plays other parts as the ensemble.
On shirts there is meticulous attention to the right England shirt design for whichever tournament they’re in. The same goes for the club shirts when Gareth Southgate speaks to players individually at their clubs.
Like James Graham’s Quiz it features real people. The programme states:
Please note this is a fictionalised account of the struggles and successes of England’s football teams, based on extensive research and interviews. It features characters inspired by some real-life individuals, and some composite characters entirely imagined by the author.
They are nevertheless real people with real names. Gareth Southgate, Steve Holland, Greg Clarke, Greg Dyke, Sam Allardyce, Graham Taylor, Sven-Goran Eriksson, Fabio Capello. Just last week, five main characters played for England v Serbia: Pickford, Saka, Henderson, Rashford, Kane. Minor characters Stones and Bellingham were there too. Thomas Tuchel, the current manager, appears. So do Gary Lineker, Harry Maguire, Jadon Sancho, Raheem Sterling, Eric Deir, Kieran Trippier, Dele Ali. Add Alex Scott from the England Women’s team. Then add the politicians, Theresa May, Liz Truss, Boris Johnson. It is a dizzying ‘Name that person’ at times.
Gareth Southgate clearly doesn’t object. His autobiography / thoughts on leadership recently published is titled Dear England.
The best thing is the activity with the players, training and running on the spot in high tempo, running around and between each other, expertly choreographed, taking the penalties in mime at tournaments, being made to dance (led by Harry Kane). This is all great stuff.
Harry Kane is a reluctant captain. The backroom guys say you don’t make a centre forward captain (I agree)., you need a midfielder or a back with a wider view of the action. I’m not a fan of the real Harry Kane, and yes I know how many goals he gets. A couple of games have shown him circling around the centre circle somewhat aimlessly. The character here is I imagine him though, and his key skill is keeping the team bonded.
There are no easy games at this level (absolutely not. Ed) They managed to make the mimed penalties, both the takers and Pickford facing the strikers, genuinely exciting. Then there’s the characters, and in this, the stars are the players, as in real life.
Jordan Pickford is the man of the match (I said no, Ed) the outstanding thespian. But they were all playing at a high level and working their socks off (I told you. Ed!) brilliant.
The ones that leap out are the funniest and memorable characters. So the one assigned to Pickford is (hyperactive, shouting), Harry Kane (diffident and dull), Harry Maguire (thick and boring) and Raheem Sterling (stroppy). Is this fair? It fits broad perceptions, but they are turned into caricatures. Then Bukayo Sako (religious and fond of Twix) is asked his favourite part of the Bible and says ‘all of it.’.
There is a feeling throughout that professional footballers are not intellectual, or are dumb, one area being when Gareth tries to explain that their quest will have a story, a beginning a middle and an end. He makes the valid point that in every tournament the public expectation is instant access to ‘the end.’ They don’t get the idea until he explains a story is like Star Wars.
Do you think they’re thick? Is this true? In multiple intelligence ratings, footballers score extremely highly on spatial intelligence. It’s claimed that Wayne Rooney, like Bobby Moore before him, could stop in a practice match, have everyone on the pitch freeze, don a blindfold and point to every one of the other 21 players in the pitch. Do we assume from David Beckham’s accent that he is a multi-millionaire only through luck? What about Gary Lineker and the regular articulate pundits? The later managers like Frank Lampard or Eddie Howe? Well, what about the central figure, Gareth Southgate who is anything BUT thick? Is it just an easy joke?
Southgate and his back room staff, Steve Holland, Physio Phil and Mike Webster are a great team, and they give it 110 per cent (Impossible. Ed) . Steve Holland is the wise ex-Chelsea assistant manager, the fiercely ‘up and at ’em’ Mike doesn’t get the psychology, and there’s Physio Phil, who reckons many players are too soft and rich to bother. The concept of the female psychiatrist, Pippa Grange, works too with a light Australian accent portraying her years working in Australia.
One moment which got big laughs this week when the BBC is being attacked, is Greg Dyke’s statement to Gareth on being England manager.
Greg Dyke: The Impossible Job, as they say. And I ran the fucking BBC, so I know about national institutions and pleasing nobody all of the time.
At last! The found music is credited in the programme, even if it is in a smaller font size. After all, Neil Diamond’s recorded voice booms over some of the highlights (which will be shown on Match of the Day after the News No, they won’t, Ed.) with Sweet Caroline. I wanted to know what the other music was, and it tells me.
However there are potential banana skins (I just delete. Ed) which takes it out of the Top Six European qualifiers in the Premier League (I’ll let that go. Ed) and moves it to the middle of the table (OK). The reviews are laden with five stars, so they have a degree of bragging rights. (Not that, Ed.) kudos. I thought it was not five stars but even so I may try and see it again in Southampton, though it’s not at the Saints ground at St. Marys (Bollocks! Ed.)
The issues. Publicity says you don’t have to know anything about football to enjoy it. Yellow card! (No, Ed.) Wrong. You have to know beyond basics. No, you don’t have to be able to explain the offside rule. Karen watches major internationals, but doesn’t follow it otherwise. She knows that goals win games (Oh, dear. Ed). The play starts with Sam Allardyce getting the sack after one game. Very funny if you know Big Sam, whose expertise was replacing sacked managers after Christmas to fight relegation struggles and who was totally wrong for the national team. Karen had no idea who he was. Then we got the parade of managers and she only got Sven Goran-Eriksson on his second appearance dancing. They were supposed to be funny, but weren’t. (They read better on the page). Then the short pantomime prime minister cameos weren’t funny either. OK, Boris got a big laugh on entry because of the wig, but otherwise no.
On the matter of ‘identity’ there is a scene where the black players are understandably pissed off. It isn’t very long. It builds from earlier where we note birthplace origins and club origins, and where he has to stop them sitting with team mates. That might be location based. In spite of on the pitch rivalries, I’d guess Liverpool and Everton players socialise locally, as do Man United and Man City or Arsenal and Spurs. After all, few are born in the cities their clubs play in. They are for hire. It is part of Southgate’s team building and supporting each other which works.
The England Women’s team victory in the European final is a contrast. They have the cup and offer to let Gareth hold it. That’s 2022. They won the UEFA Championship in 2025. Sara Weigman saysi n the text she won two trophies, which shows it’s reprinted for the tour.
They revised and updated the text between 2023 and 2025 (the current play text). Thomas Tuchel is in at the end as incoming manager. Jude Bellingham appears briefly – of course Tuchel and Bellingham is another chapter waiting to happen. (I am firmly of the opinion that the manager should have to fulfil the same criteria as players to manage England, bring on Eddie Howe!) I could go on about the Bellingham issue. He was petulant after being substituted. It was near the end. We were 2-0 up. (Notice the “we”). He was on a yellow card. Tuchel wanted to protect him from a second. Can a team accommodate a prima donna or is it better off without them? This applies to drama too, though not here. They worked as a team.
OK, a deserved standing ovation. Extremely good ensemble work, with several taking five or more roles. Constant costume changes. The players are great. The best part. Some of the inserted comedy cameos fall flat. Yet the players and back room team have good funny lines.
At the end of the day (not again!) It’s not a five for me. I think four is fair. (Karen is 2 to 3).
****
THE REMAINING TOUR
2026, Mayflower Theatre, Southampton (13 to 17 January)
Milton Keynes Theatre (20 to 24 January)
New Theatre, Oxford (27 to 31 January)
Norwich Theatre Royal (3 to 7 February)
New Victoria Theatre, Woking (10 to 14 February)
Alhambra Theatre, Bradford (17 to 21 February
New Wimbledon Theatre (24 to 28 February)
Liverpool Empire (3 to 7 March)
Birmingham Hippodrome (10 to 14 March).
\WHAT THE CRITICS SAID
About which cast? This is the fourth. It originally got swathes of fives.
LINKS ON THIS BLOG
JAMES GRAHAM (WRITER)
Quiz, Chichester Minerva 2017
RUPERT GOOLD (DIRECTOR)
Hamlet, RSC 2025
Albion by Mike Bartlett, Almeida 2017
Richard III, Almeida 2016
The Merchant of Venice, Almeida 2015
King Charles III by Mike Bartlett Almeida / West End 2014
Peter Viney's Blog 